Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
