I heard we made out
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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