im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
