i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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