Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
