1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize