hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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