So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
