I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize