He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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