The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
