i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
