The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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