If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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