Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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