I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
