Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize