yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
