the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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