Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
