she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
