Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
