then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
