Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
