this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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