I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
