And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
