there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize