Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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