I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize