Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
