party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
