how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
