He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
