He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
