More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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