She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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