wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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