Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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