I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
