The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i drank out of a bidet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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