I feel like I'm in dance class right now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
