he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He has the fingertips of a God
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
