please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
