wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
