I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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