Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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