Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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