Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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