found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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