My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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