I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
