Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
