i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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