Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
