this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
