SEEEEXXX PLEASE
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
3pm strippers are depressing
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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