i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize