I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
