He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
