Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
