Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
