so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
