My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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