I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize