my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
