I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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