Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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