Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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