You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
