I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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