I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
