You're my little dorito
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
