she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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