What a fucking waste of an outfit
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
