I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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