don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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