go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
