So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
