and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
