I am puke
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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