Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
