i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
