Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
