he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
