Just fell off a train. Bad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
