1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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