I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
