I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
