Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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