This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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