WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize