waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
