I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who died my cat blue again?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
