I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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