we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
