he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
