thus making me awesome and them whores
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
