Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
