Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
