guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
