I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Less talking, more tequila
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
