I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
