We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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