i think my tv is drunk
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
