oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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