He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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