When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
