the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
